Aren’t Fridays supposed to be relaxing? I suppose not, it’s the last day of the week and everyone is looking forward to the weekend, making plans and rushing to get everything ready. I have invited a few friends over for a BBQ on Saturday, and one of them is a friend from my ‘previous life’. It was very heart breaking for me see my friends struggle to deal with my divorce. People feel they have to pick sides, and most people find that too difficult to do, so they just ignore both of you. In my case, just one friend cared enough to support me; he didn’t pick sides and tried to see both of us separately. We have remained friends, for which I am very thankful. He is a reminder of that previous life, that it actually happened and that there were good memories too.
Now I have some new friends that are ‘mine’, I have ‘shared’ friends with my fiancée and I have a few ‘old’ ones. Sometimes it’s hard to feel yourself when everyone around you is a new friend. In the beginning of my new relationship its was difficult to relax at a BBQ, I found it hard to be myself when all I thought was ‘these people don’t KNOW me’. They all had shared stories and I felt like the newcomer, the intruder. Such high-school nonsense and this in my mid-thirties! I realised I shouldn’t be too hard on myself, it will take time and I need to nurture these relationships so that they can grow into something more. Well, they did grow and I am very excited to actually have friends now.
See, in my marriage I never felt like I was allowed to have friends. New people were always criticized and I eventually stopped trying to meet and make new friends. We moved around a lot so this was very isolating.
And then you get friendships that just work. You will not speak for a year, but when you do its like you spoke only yesterday! No issues, no hard feelings, just mutual understanding that no matter what, you will always be there for each other.
I am very fortunate to have one of those friends. We met when we were just 13 and even though there have been gaps of years that we lost contact, we picked it up again a few years ago, and we are as close as ever. She’s the one person I can share my deepest feelings with and she just gets me. She is also the only person that will be completely honest with me, without being hurtful. She rocks!
I will be going on a short holiday next week and we are flying up to see my parents. I haven’t seen my dad since January, he has been ill and you can read all about it here. I will also be visiting this friend of mine, her twin boys are turning 2 in July and I haven’t seen them since they were just babies.
Our lives have evolved and grown and so has our friendship, I think it’s really important to make time for these special relationships in our lives because they can be your safety net when things go wrong.
Have a great weekend everyone!